Russian ICBM Test Sparks Fears of Renewed Arms Race

Russian President Vladimir Putin, while speaking at a ceremony to welcome the Greek Premier at the Kremlin, downplayed fears of a new arms race but cautioned western powers against continuing their efforts to set up missile defense bases in erstwhile soviet republics of Ukraine and Kazakhstan.

In a remarkably similar turn of events in another related story being followed Mr. Prakhar Sharma a.k.a. Jawani has come out with unconditional support to Mr. Satpathy and has assured him the backing of the entire TDS group at Kharagpur in any of his future endeavors. In a press statement issued from his summer residence at Surat Mr. Sharma said,” Being a cuckold is nothing new for me. While this phase has been essentially rejuvenating and strengthening, insecurity in the matter of the upkeep of loved assets is damaging to the economy and must be strongly dealt with.”

Granting moral credibility to Mr. Sharma and Mr. Satpathy’s yet unnamed alliance comes the information from Mr. Umang Jain. According to him on being asked about the status of his relationship with GHIHE Mr. Arish Inam had replied,” Almost Done.”

While this alliance has been not quite surprising happenings in another quarter have been far from expected. According to sources, Mr. Inam is keen on the formation of a mutual support group with a fellow KGPian, one by the name of Rushin Shah. While the aim of this grouping is touted as being,” Help to those KGP students who lost their love for academics”, cynical experts believe it is anything but.

Several futurologists believe the entry into pact politics of previously non-political entities shall make the arena more difficult and unpredictable.

For an article on the economic fallout of President Putin’s announcement turn to Pa… Well, scroll down.

Putin’s Announcement to have Far Reaching Impact on the Kharagpur Economy

The reaction of the world’s financial markets to Mr. Putin’s announcement has been fairly cautious and guarded. Sakhalin’s tourism sector though has shown a 100% growth compared to last year already with two Al-Jazeera Journalists expressing interest to visit the historic island.

In response to the prediction of rising unpredictability in Kharagpur’s political arena Mr. Aneesh Jain’s consultancy firm The World Shall Suck’s shares have gained 16% in value within half an hour of opening bell. Sources also tell of a renewed interest amongst sponsors towards the Spring Fest, IIT Kharagur’s Social & Cultural Festival. One major sponsor, on condition of anonymity, said,” This is the first instance of anyone managing to steal a girl in SF for many years. It definitely means greater promise in the coming years. SF is all set to be a major youth attracting event.”

EMP From Russia’s ICBM Test Turn Electronics Off as Far West as Kharagpur, India

A strategic cruise missile was fired yesterday from a mobile ground-based system on the Island of Sakhalin near the Strait of Tartary, Interfax cited Russian First Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov as saying. The Russians claim the missile to be wiser than any defense shield so far developed by the United States or NATO allies. Authorities at the pentagon could not confirm Russian claims due to a paucity of live data.

An apologetic source at Space Command, Langley confessed that the lone spy satellite available in the Asia-Pacific region was at that point being used to monitor the surge in animation levels of a particular Mr. Abhishek Satpathy at his Calcutta residence. The source also confessed to maintaining a constant watch over the subject since the past few years. In her words, “He is very bright when it comes to profanities but at this particular moment his ingenuity was unbeaten, probably matched only by what was to come a few seconds later.” The Instant she speaks of, the one which was to come a few seconds later, was when an electro-magnetic pulse from the Russian ICBM test turned off the Internet link at Kharagpur disrupting his online conversation with a girl he has been known to hold in high esteem. The messages intercepted by an UAV over the Calcutta region just before the EMP hit read:

GHIHE: Arish has promised to quit smoking for me. Would you have ever done that?

Mr. Satpathy’s message, the one that never reached, has been decoded to mean the now universally accepted symbol of mixed, uncharacterized emotions: “ :) ”.

We shall continue to follow this story as it develops.