EMP From Russia’s ICBM Test Turn Electronics Off as Far West as Kharagpur, India

A strategic cruise missile was fired yesterday from a mobile ground-based system on the Island of Sakhalin near the Strait of Tartary, Interfax cited Russian First Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov as saying. The Russians claim the missile to be wiser than any defense shield so far developed by the United States or NATO allies. Authorities at the pentagon could not confirm Russian claims due to a paucity of live data.

An apologetic source at Space Command, Langley confessed that the lone spy satellite available in the Asia-Pacific region was at that point being used to monitor the surge in animation levels of a particular Mr. Abhishek Satpathy at his Calcutta residence. The source also confessed to maintaining a constant watch over the subject since the past few years. In her words, “He is very bright when it comes to profanities but at this particular moment his ingenuity was unbeaten, probably matched only by what was to come a few seconds later.” The Instant she speaks of, the one which was to come a few seconds later, was when an electro-magnetic pulse from the Russian ICBM test turned off the Internet link at Kharagpur disrupting his online conversation with a girl he has been known to hold in high esteem. The messages intercepted by an UAV over the Calcutta region just before the EMP hit read:

GHIHE: Arish has promised to quit smoking for me. Would you have ever done that?

Mr. Satpathy’s message, the one that never reached, has been decoded to mean the now universally accepted symbol of mixed, uncharacterized emotions: “ :) ”.

We shall continue to follow this story as it develops.